Fall

Fall = Baby Squirrels who want to play with Ender.

A Dog Paradox in Pictures

This is just one panel from the Oatmeal, and I highly recommend going over and reading the full comic because it is HIGH-larious.

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/dog_paradox

Life Lessons

One very important life lesson I had to learn early on was - always carry 3 poo bags.

When we first got Ender, I started off only carrying 2 poo bags with me. We didn't have one of those poo bag carriers because that would've just been another thing to knock my teeth out when Ender was busy losing his shit, so I would just stuff two poo bags in my pocket. One morning, Ender poo'd twice before we reached the halfway point on our walk.

And then, he poo'd a third time.

Luckily I had a bag of pupperoni treats with me so I had to empty the bag out and use that to scoop up as much poo as I could.

So now I always make sure I have at least three poo bags and though we no longer feed our dogs pupperoni, they will always have my gratitude for helping me out on a jam.

The Utility Vest

The answer to my fashion dilemma:

FOUR POCKETS!!!

1. Poo Bags/Treats
2. Keys
3. Phone
4. Card/Cash

Booya!

You Don't Get No Exotic Meats

We were on a tenuous pet food schedule for a while but that house of cards came tumbling down a few months of ago. The pet store where we get their dog food has to special order it since they don't regularly carry it. However, we like scheduling their food order to be replenished juuuuust when they finish their other bag.

This is a gamble as many factors are in play.

First is the uniform scooping. Remember in home economics, the teacher taught you how to level flour? Well, really I should be applying it to scooping dog food. However, in my sleepy stupor, it really is a miracle I actually remember the correct number of scoops I'm supposed to scoop. Additionally, the bf has to put up with me screech "OMG, those scoops are too full!!!!" in the mornings when the food is low. Second, the dog food must be delivered on time to the pet store.

A few months ago, the pet store didn't receive the dog food shipment. In the midst of me losing it and ranting, whhyyyyy are our dogs so annoying with their special hard to find food????, the bf did the leg work and found another location which actually carried our food.

And last week, I realized...THE VENISON COSTS $5 MORE THAN THE LAMB!

My mind was blown.

My Near Stink Experience

I have been MIA in the blogging universe but fear not I am slowly but surely taking my life back from the death grips of work.

Any, here's a funny story to break my way back into the blogosphere.

Speaking of death grips, I was innocently cuddling on the couch with Ender yesterday when he switched positions and I was hit with a punch in the face stinky butt smell. A smell so fierce that I had to at that moment kick him off the couch, throw the fleece blanket into the hamper, and febreeze the couch, and then move the party into the bedroom.

Being the stubborn person that I am, I once again revisited the omnipresent "HOW DOES ONE EMPTY A DOG'S ANAL SACS/GLANDS?" question. Tip to self, watching youtube videos of dogs getting their anal sacs make for good entertainment until it leads you down a dark path of bug abcsess videos.

The next morning, I determinedly threw Ender's ass in the shower and tried my best to empty his sacs. It took some massaging, but it finally emptied. Oh and did I mentioned that it came out as a projectile squirt that missed my head by inches, splattering onto the shower wall?

All this before breakfast. As Fergie would say, yeah G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S.

Courtesy of the Oatmeal

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/my_dog

Top 5 Dog Breeds For Landing a Hot Date

This  Top Five Breeds for Dating  has been kicked around the internet for the past few days and I've just gotten around to skimming it. Though it reads a bit like it was written by someone in high school attempting their first statistics paper, it does present some fabulous and not to mention hilarious conceptions about dog owners. Here are the relevant pit bull sections:


What people think about Men & Dogs:
- People were twice as likely to see a man who owns a Boxer, a Bulldog or Rottweiler as just a “hook up” than a man who owns a Pit Bull or Labrador Retriever. 
- People are 10 times more likely to see a man who owns a Pit Bull or a Rottweiler as “slimy” or “sketchy” than a man who owns a Siberian Husky.


So I guess guys with pit bulls are either settle down material or super slimy and sketchy?


What people think about Women & Dogs:
Hmm...apparently the idea of women and pit bulls is a foreign concept.

The Wonderful Flaws of Insane Shelter Dogs

I stumbled upon this article on gawker and it completely reminds me of Ender. I often think, if I could write a description for him based on what I know now, what would it be? Would I go for honesty? Or would I go for a more glossy approach? Here's a description taken from the article:

 

 Maggie—American Pit Bull Terrier "We have struggled finding her a good home, through no fault of her own. She is good with other dogs as long as they are not getting rough with her...She is crazy about squirrels and pigeons and will try to catch one. She doesnt like cats, people on skateboards and little kids on bikes. She gets aggressive with anyone holding a waterhose and wants to bite the hose." Just keep the dogs and squirrels and pigeons and cats and people and children and hoses away from her, and there won't be a problem.

PSA

Thursday

Ender is enjoying some pre-TGIF time.

Text From Dog

The bf sent me the link to this awesome site called Text From Dog.

http://textfromdog.tumblr.com/

It is hilarious.

BumperCharity.com

Education is near and dear to the bf's heart and he recently got inspired after reading Seth Godin's recent book Stop Stealing Dreams. He wanted to spread the word about a good cause in a fun and thoughtful way - hence selling bumper stickers for charity!

Now BumperCharity.com is linked on the "Stop Stealing Dreams" website! Also, the bf has been asking everyone who ordered a bumper sticker to put it somewhere public, take a photo, and send it back to him. In the spirit of things, here is the family is demonstrating their support.

The Fanny Pack

Summer is going to be upon us soon which only means one thing - embarrassing fashion, according to the bf. Since it gets pretty hot here in Oakland during the summer, the dog walking accessories change drastically. In the winter, I can put on the North Face jacket and have enough pockets for poo bags, treats, wallet, phone, and my gigantic ring of keys. Come summer time, all I have on is a tank top and yoga pants.

Last summer, I tried to come up with the best way to carry around all my belongings. The backpack was a bit much and the tote bag a bit too inconvenient while trying to wrangle Ender. Then one day I was surfing the web and came across a photo of Hulk Hogan with a quote from his daughter saying that he never leaves home without his fanny pank. It was then that I realized that Hulk Hogan was a genius.

I scoured the web looking for more fashionable versions and saw that lululemon had been making fanny packs on and off for the past few seasons. 

So after purchasing a fanny pack and using it for a few walks, I decided that it wasn't doing its job very well. One, I really just had too much crap for a fanny pank to hold and comfortably sit on my waist. And two, the pockets weren't open and accessible so I still had to strap a treat bag to the pack. So while it was a worthy effort, I continued on with my search for the ultimate summer dog walking accessory. 

But I leave you with this (actually more for the bf as an "in yo face! fanny packs on the runway!").

Natura Frequent Buyer Program

We buy a 30 pound bag of California Natural Grain Free Lamb every three weeks. And that's only because we feed them under the recommended amount. When we purchased our first bag, our pet store gave us information regarding Natura's frequent buyer program. For every 10 bags of food that you purchase, you earn a free bag. Normally I am waaay too lazy to do things like this until I realized we could earn a free THIRTY POUND BAG of dog food which amounts to about $62. So then I was like "hell yeah!" and became a committed "proof of purchase" collector.

Buying all this dog food always reminds me of those "how much does your pet cost in a lifetime" graphics found on the web. I've seen annual dog food costs estimated between $100 to $350 and I always laugh because I'm sure our annual budget for treats themselves is $100. Based on our current dog food purchase, here is a breakdown of our food costs:

$62 bag of dog food every three weeks

= approximately $1,075 annually for two dogs (um, HOLY SHIT!!)

= approximately $537 annually for one dog

So apparently, one year of Ender and Barksdale's food equals the following:

They're lucky they are so damn cute.

BUSTED!

I recant what I said about Ender not causing any trouble a few days ago. Because today, he is officially BUSTED! Here is a photo of him enjoying our couch at home while we toil away at our thankless jobs in order to support him in a lifestyle in which he is accustomed to. Also, I would randomly note, that boy is like all legs.

Product Review: EZ Dog Toothbrush

I don't know why the hell I bought this toothbrush. I might as well have poured some gravy over some dollar bills and fed it to Ender. I think I was too distracted by the pretty colors and the novel design to really think it through on a more practical level. The conversation should've gone like this: "In order to use this toothbrush I will have to simultaneously hold the body to minimize wiggling, lift the lip to get access to some teeth, prop their jaw open so that the brush can fit over their entire tooth, and then continuously keep their jaw open so they don't start chewing on the toothbrush like a little twig." Instead the conversation went like this: "Oh Cool!!! That toothbrush is totally NEAT-O!"

Freeee!

After leaving Ender the house for the past month or so, we feel fairly confident he will not destroy the house. What I don't get is that despite his freedom, he still greets us with the same fervor as he did when he was crated.

I always chalked up his crazy greeting to the fact that he has been locked in his crate all day. But apparently it's NOT related to his crate at all. I suppose I do find it flattering that Ender greets me with exuberance and always tries to bring me a toy because frankly, that means I'm the fun parent (Hey-oooo!!!).

Anyway back to my original intent of this post. Yesterday I came home to not one but TWO heads trying to nudge their way out of the front door. Barksdale had escaped her crate for the day! Luckily my flat screen tv was still in tact. So therefore I am very proud of them both for not destroying the house. Or each other.

On another note, Ender jumped at the neighbor's kid a few days ago and I was mad at him for an entire night. And yes, I know, it is my fault for not training him better.

I Will Feast on Your Soul

I don't know how this video is so funny. But it is.

Happy National Puppy Day!

Today I will celebrate no longer having puppies but dogs that can hold their pee and poo throughout the day. Wheee!!

http://www.nationalpuppyday.com/about.htm

Awkward Moment

We were at the pet store picking up dog food when I grabbed some treats off the shelf. At the register, the bf offhandedly asked if I had ever tried them. I answered yes at the same exact moment the lady at the register said "oh they are not good." Awkwardness ensued as several thoughts ran through my head. First thought being, well damn, if these things aren't good for my dogs, then why you selling them lady? The second thought was the realization that she had meant that SHE had tried them and SHE did not find them good. Oh.

Handsome Men's Club

Ender just joined the Handsome Men's Club, voted in by the homeless man on the street.

Like Father, Like Son

We got new dog beds this past weekend and built Ender a California King (okay, maybe we just put two dog beds next to each other) but I'm glad it's being appreciated.

Freedom!

With Ender getting kicked out of his dog walking group, we re-evaluated the home set up to see how we can make the dogs' time at home more comfortable. We have concluded that we will eventually give the dogs the house. (They will of course be out and free separately so we don't come home to find the couch pushed through our sliding glass door.)

In the interim, we have given Ender the living room in the day time. Being the super paranoid doggy mama that I am, I could've only made it through the day if he was supervised.

Enter the wireless camera. Apparently Ender really enjoys his sleep.

DINOs

Stumbled across a funny blog while surfing the web:

DINOS (Dogs in Need of Space)™

http://notesfromadogwalker.com/2011/12/02/dinos-a-manifesto/

Their manifesto pretty much sums of my list of demands.

Dog Bite Video

A good post regarding the Kyle Dyer dog bite video:

http://wagandtrain.blogspot.com/2012/02/perfect-storm.html

Vick Dogs

A blog post from Bad Rap with an update on a Michael Vick dog:

http://badrap-blog.blogspot.com/2012/02/canine-celeb-milestones.html

That photo of Grace just effin' KILLS me. Like serious melt my heart googly eyes, I must have you immediately kind of killing.

The bf and I have often discussed whether or not we would adopt a former fighting dog. Both of us are on the same page with a resounding "HELL YES." Seriously, if someone offered us a dog that has gone through BAD RAP loving AND training and we didn't have our dogs, I would've said, gimme two of 'em!

Dog Blog!

Courtesy of Dogblog. Sometimes I just have to laugh out loud.

Airing Some Dirty Laundry

LIfe is funny. The other day I was at my parent's house, watching Ender hang out with my mom in the kitchen. I was hit with a holy shit moment, realizing how far we have come with him. His first visit to my parent's house promptly got him banned. Now, my mom asks when he's coming over.

But it is these moments that have me complacent. That maybe Ender is now "good enough." Then life reminds you that good enough is not going to cut it. We got the official break up letter from Ender's dog walker, informing us that group walks with him is not going to work out any longer. An excerpt from the letter(s):

"[We] concluded that group walks are not working for him. Lucia had hoped that she would be able to do more training with him, but it's not possible with five other dogs in the crew, so he's not making the progress she had hoped for. He's a pretty challenging guy to incorporate in the mix--specifically the difficulty around controlling him when they encounter 'new' dogs on the trail."

"Ender is still so excitable when we see new dogs. If we are rushed by off-leash dogs, which is happening more and more, sometimes the only way I can stop Ender from his preferred greeting of jumping on the other dogs head, is to hold him back physically with my hands or a tight leash. I worry if that happens too often he may develop some leash-reactivity."

My stubborn self is convinced we can get Ender to that point where he can roam wild and free. The other side of me questions whether or not I'm trying to turn Ender into a dog he isn't meant to be.

So here we are.

Dog Delivery System

Ender and Barksdale better shape up, that's all I gotta say.

McDonalds vs. Pitbulls

Interesting article I found circulating online today:

Dog owners complain, McDonald's pulls ad comparing eating Chicken McBite to petting pit bull

Kind of awesome to see what a group of passionate and organized people can do.