New Dog on The Block

Sometimes my morning walks with Ender feel like running the American Gladiators gauntlet.

1. Walk out the Door
Are the kids down the hall also walking out the door at the same time and therefore running down the hall at Ender yelling "DOGGY DOGGY!!!"?

If the answer is no, proceed with less caution.

2. See Brown Lab across the Street
Do I have the patience to meander behind them or do I need to cross the street and pick my speed up to 3.5 mph?

3. See Husky with Bandanna
Yay! Fellow crazy dog sighting. Know them well enough that if we are walking towards each other, about to cross paths, they or us should go around the other by stepping off the curb and going around the parked car.

4. See Corgi with Woman holding Coffee Mug
Ooooh, medium energy dog. Ender can practice his sit as Corgi walks by. Sad that the owner has failed to realize the greatness of a travel mug.

5. See Brown Pit
Soooo prettyyyyyy...droool. Take note that owner has finally bit the bullet and purchased a prong collar.

6. See new Brown Dog in harness
New crazy dog on the block. Yay. Don't know if owner has realized the true extent of his dog's craziness yet. Will continue to cross street upon sighting.

7. See Rotweiler
OMG, how is it possible that a dog can be this calm? Perfect dog for Ender to practice his sit. Consider asking owner about trade. Two crazy pits for your one calm and sweet Rottie?

8. See Small Dogs that Live in Building
$&@#($&#(*&#*&)!!!!!! I think every small dog that lives in our building has a napoleon complex.

Dog Blogs

I like looking at photos of dogs. I especially like it when it's followed by some funny commentary.

Enter the DogBlog.

Product Review: Furmintator Update

Here is a photo of week 3:



Here is a photo of week 4:



The conclusion is that Ender is one hairy mofo. But after being furminated, he's now svelte and sexy. Although now I'm questioning whether or not we are feeding him enough because he's looking so skinny without his extra fur.

Coffee Mugs

I've seen several people walking their dogs in the morning holding coffee mugs. Not travel coffee mugs. But straight up sitting in your house drinking coffee coffee mugs. I often wonder what makes people think this is a good idea.

I've seen a lady spill her coffee because her little dog wanted to chase after Ender and I've seen a lady stand on the corner trying to figure out how to pick up her dog's poo with her coffee mug in her hand.

What the heck.

Prouct Review: Furminator

I've seen this product around but held out on purchasing it because it was so damn expensive. After using it, the conclusion is, why the hell did I wait so long?



When we first got Ender I thought, oh cool, he'll be a low maintenance dog since his hair is so short. Let's just say not having Golden Retriever or German Shepard hair doesn't always mean low maintenance. I came to this realization one day when we were walking and I saw his hair start flying off his ass. So three brushes and one very convincing saleslady later, I finally broke down and shelled out the bucks for the Furminator. It is sooooooooooooo awesome.

Below is the hair I got off of Ender his first session, and I only stopped because he started getting bored. Note that I spent about half an hour, used minimal force, and that Ender had been washed and brushed two days before. (And yes, this is what I do Saturday night folks, I go buy grooming tools and use them on the dog.)



The saleslady said when she first started using it on her dog, she initially started off with sessions every other day to get the bulk of the hair off so now she just does it for maintenance. We purchased the Long Hair Medium Dog Furminator. The description says that it's for long hair dogs 21-50 lbs, and although Ender is about 80-90 lbs, we bought this one because the saleslady said it would be easier to contour to the bumps and crevices of his body. The best thing about it is that it has this little tab that pushes the hair out of the teeth of the comb. That means I don't have to spend forever trying to get the fur off the brush so I can brush him some more. Awesome.

Self Esteem Booster

Sometimes to make myself feel better, I like to visit the website Shit My Pets Ruined. It's quite funny. And I get a self esteem boost from seeing that other people also have crazy pets. Then I got to thinking about what our pets have ruined. They are pretty good, but again we also don't give them many chances to ruin our stuff. So I guess me saying pretty good is akin to saying...oh he got out of prison early for good behavior. Because really, you're in prison, how much trouble can you really get into? Anyway, I digress.

In the sentiment of the website, here is a list of top five things that I can remember the dogs ruining (besides my food):

1. Sunglasses. Okay, so these were like a $12 pair of sunglasses from Ross so I wasn't too mad.

2. Rug. After countless pee accidents, it finally bit the dust after Barksdale chewed a second bald spot in it.

3. Remote Control. Ender only got so far as to nibble on the corner before he got caught. We have since upgraded to a bigger tv so, no hard feelings.

4. Crate. Barksdale destroyed her crate while she was being boarded. Crate replacement = $100+. All together now...?!?!?#&(*&#)!*#)!(*

5. Uggs. Ender still gets excited to see me at the end of the day. Like seriously, did he forget me over the course of 8 hrs? Anyway, usually when I come home, he likes to run to get a toy and prance around the living room. During one particular incident, the bf met me at the BART station with Ender and apparently the closest thing to a toy were the Uggs ON MY FEET. While sniffing and mouthing my right foot, he must have poked a hold in my shoe, which I found the next day. Let's just say he came pretty close to getting returned after that incident. Although he probably knows now that if he ever tries to mouth my Uggs again, he's probably going to be getting a swift kick in the ass.

Ticks Round 2

Two days ago, I found a HELLA big tick on Ender. I noticed it on his morning walk when I was picking up his poo. All I saw was a giant round blob on his side and upon poking at it and looking at it more carefully, I realized that it was a gigantic bug of some kind. Below is a photo with my thumb for reference - intentionally slightly fuzzy for the faint of heart (ahem, bf, ahem). It is currently chilling in some of bf's scotch. (Note to self, buy rubbing alcohol for more efficient tick drowning.)



Apparently when ENGORGED (full of blood), ticks can increase to size GINORMOUS. Randomly, besides tweezers, another awesome essential tick removal item is antiseptic wipes. When I first started yanking ticks off the dogs, the bite would be super lumpy the following days. But with the antiseptic wipes, the bite is usually less lumpy the next day. Go modern medicine.

Besides finding this ginormous beast, I've had to pull ticks off of Ender and Barksdale's butts. I'm pretty sure that's the closest I will come to playing russian roulette.

Ender Has No Friends - Part 2

Notice that all the other dogs are standing there perfectly calm and still.

Report Card

After two hours in traffic, I come home to this:

"Ender rolled in some stinky animal poo. I hosed him off (it was mostly on his neck.) But you might not want to cuddle him tonight! Sorry..."

I swear he rolls in poo every few weeks. I think I will start calling him Dookiehead, as it might be more fitting than Ender.

UPDATE: I took Ender out for the evening and he just peed on his leg. WTF.

Lazy Ender Take Back

Just kidding. New evidence shows that Ender is still as spazzy as ever. I find it quite sad that nobody wants to play with him. However, I found him annoying even while watching this video so I guess it is slightly understandable.